Contents:

Beginning Ramble - It's a ramble. And it's at the beginning.
Cock Up Corner. - Not ripped off from the Grauniad...?
The next modestic - Sooner than you might think...
Queer as Folk - four shiny discs...
Moonraker - It should be your friend...
Robert Palmer - a tribute...
DVD wishlist - Some self indulgent paragraphs...
The modestic society - aka "If I ruled the world..."
Science Fun - It's all proper scientific science, you know...
Gratuitous Wombat Picture - the best part of the magazine...
I am become death - how to kill and get away with it...
Frisbees - Woo-hoo. Free stuff! Frisbees=freebies. Geddit...?
Randomness and Randomosity - Bits & bobs that fit nowhere else...
Copyright and all that malarkey...

Number 5. A number with no real significance. Well, unless you’re a Short Circuit fan, I s’pose, and what are the chances of that…

I never seem to be satisfied with this zine. At least not for long. I always spot ways how it could and indeed should have been better. On the one hand this is a bad thing, as I just know how much better I could have made it, and shudder at the thought of releasing an inferior zine. But on the other hand it means that I know I can do better, and I can make sure that the next one edges that little bit closer to the perfect zine.

The last zine I will ever do.

I doubt I’ll get there, though, as I seem to be constantly striving for the lazy perfection, which will never appear. I’m also far too fond of putting in obscure references to obscure albums by obscure bands on obscure labels. How many of you have even heard of The Orchids…?

Anyhow, hopefully this will be the best modestic so far, and that I won’t end up too unhappy with it. It’s a little thin, but someone did once say something about brevity, didn’t they…?

Cock Up Corner

In case you had not noticed, modestic is not perfect, and mistakes do happen. So I thought I’d start a round up of cock ups…

· the header at the top of #4 proudly said that it was #3. Ho-hum…
· the Queen song that Electric Six covered at Reading was of course Radio Gaga, not We Will Rock You.

If you spot any cock ups in this issue (or any previous issue), just e-mail me, and I’ll pop it in the next Cock Up Corner…

The next modestic

The next regular issue of modestic will be with you on December 23rd. However, next month, November 23rd, there’s gonna be an extra “bonus” issue. It’s a special edition dedicated to that multi-faced chap who travels through time and space in a Police Box. 23/11 will be the 40th anniversary of the first episode of Dr Who, something worthy of celebrating in a special issue of this zine. So, what I want from you lot are contributions. You can write about any aspect of Dr Who you so desire, you may praise, you may criticise, you may sneer, you may be serious, you may be humourous. Just be original. So, what are you waiting for, get writing!

You don't even have to be a massive fan or anything. Even if you've just seen a handful of episodes, and have just half-remembered childhood memories; write 'em down. Heck, if you hate the thing, write about your hatred...

(But if I even see the words "Cosmic Hobo"...)

Queer as Folk – Definitive Collector’s Edition

Ah, I recall the controversy when this was first shown on the telly. I can’t recall what the lovely Mary Whitehouse thought of it, or even indeed if she ever saw it, but I imagine she wasn’t impressed. I have a picture of her sat in her favourite armchair, pen poised ready to write down every single minor point that she thought inappropriate. Then I imagine that after ten minutes she wrote, “Sod this, the whole thing is beyond the pale.” No, I can’t imagine she was very impressed at all. I, however, was. Queer as Folk is essentially one big story of unrequited love. That’s all it is. That the main character happen to be gay, that it features a sex scene between a 15 year old boy and a 29 year old man, that it includes rimming, 3 in a bed gay sex and all the other things that seemed to shroud it in controversy, which at heart, are irrelevant. It is unrequited love. Vince Tyler loves and adores Stuart Jones, and knows that he’s never gonna get him. He follows him around like a little pet dog, hoping to be noticed, hoping to get some of the scraps off the table. Meanwhile Stuart is all cocksure of himself, shagging any man that moves, any man that takes his fancy. But not Vince. Then into the mix is thrown Nathan, a fifteen year old virginal schoolboy. Stuart takes one look at him and takes him home and shags him ragged. Therein begins Queer as Folk.

Russell T Davies’ series about a group of gay men and their friends and families is a work of genius. It is one of those shows where everything seems to come together right (even when it’s wrong). The three lead actors Craig Kelly (Vince), Aidan Gillen (Stuart) and Charlie Hunnam (Nathan (oh, if only he’d been cast as Anakin in SW2&3…)) are so perfect in their roles; the shy uncertainty of Vince, the arrogance of Stuart, and the way how Nathan goes from nervy virgin to confident young stud over the course of the episodes.

But it’s the sheer quality of the writing that stands out. The scripts are packed with wit, humour, sarcasm, pathos and tragedy. It goes from sheer comedy, to despair in a moment. At times when you expect complete sadness – the funeral for example (I just love Vince’s reading) – there are supremely funny moments.

And then you’ve got such a great supporting cast. Anthony Cotton is SUPERB as the camp Alexander, and Denise Black is good in everything she does. I mean, you even get Shane out of Neighbours – Peter O’Brien – as a boyfriend for Vince… (No, Cameron, I don’t want a pension.) It’s all just so… right…

Of course, when there is success, the TV companies want more, so they commissioned a ten-part follow up, which over time became the 2-part Queer as Folk 2. QAF2 is less about the scene, and more about moving on and facing up to problems, rather than letting them lie. I challenge anyone not to cheer when the car blows up, or when Nathan virtually does a Dirty Harry “go ahead punk” style speech not to cheer out loud at the end of the scenes. And it’s also about Stuart and Vince realising that they’re not so young anymore, and that Nathan is now the new Stuart. Quite wonderful, especially the big speech at the end, and the coda in America, which some people hate, and others love… I love…

The initial DVD releases of Queer as Folk were rather lacklustre, with virtually no extras, and Queer as Folk 2 spliced into a single episode. No wonder I never bothered with them; I was waiting ‘til I saw ‘em for a fiver in an HMV sale… Luckily, that day never came, and the whole shebang was re-released last month as a four disk set, complete with all the “next week/previously” bits, a pile of extras, and commentaries.

The commentaries are quite wonderful, and are a mixture of actors and creative types. The writer, Russell T Davies, is on most of the episodes (only missing out 3 in the first season. First minor criticism; he should have been on them all, as he is my favourite DVD commentary person ever!), with a varying mixture of Aidan Gillen, Craig Kelly, Anthony Cotton and Denise Black on the first nine episodes. The final episode, and the deleted scenes, sees Russell joined by Executive producer Nicola Shindler. It is a very good set of commentaries, some episodes better than others, with a decent balance between on-set anecdotes, and production details. You do learn a few interesting snippets of info, such as that Episodes 5&6 were originally to be written by someone other than Russell, but had to be abandoned. Also, they mention that the first episode was to start very differently…

…a start which is among the (almost) hour of deleted/extended scenes. Many of these scenes are quite superfluous, and it’s quite easy to see why they were cut, as they emphasise points that are already adequately explained, or are simply not needed, or are. The original opening is very different, and contrasting it with what we got, I must say I do prefer what they went with in the end. In fact, the only scenes that I think should have been retained are the extension to the “Do you think about him when you have a wank?” scene in which Alexander says he was raised by a family of ducks, and the longer version of the conversation by the jeep at the end of QAF2. Still, better to be on there than not. The commentary on the deleted/extended scenes is quite fascinating.

There are 3 interview type pieces. The first being a pair of behind the scenes bits from a programme with Ed Hall, and the second a rather uninspiring T4 interview with Craig & Charlie. The third is best, though, as it is a ten minutes excerpt from Right to Reply, aired in the week after the first episode aired. There’s this moaning bloke in it, whose sole complaint against the programme seems to be that as a gay man, he feels that QAF doesn’t represent his life, as he and his friends don’t engage in casual sex, so therefore QAF shouldn’t as it’ll re-enforce prejudices against gay people. BOLLOCKS!!! QAF was never meant to represent the gay community, it was about three characters, and what they got up to. It’s no more representative of the gay community than say, Eastender is of the whole east end of London. Talk about missing the point…

There’s a couple of pointless extras, such as the video montages and quotes, the former of which gives you a minute of clips from the main characters, the latter some choice quotes. Can’t see me bothering with them again…

What the Folk is a documentary which I somehow entirely managed to miss when it was on the telly. It was clearly shown sometime between the series, as there are few clips from QAF2, and all the on-set bits are filmed during its making. Unlike many such documentaries, it’s not entirely a puff piece, as it does show criticism of the show (including what Russell thought of the Right to Reply segment).

Queer as Folk is one of the ten best TV programmes ever made, and this set really does the show justice. (Hey, I’ve just realised, I’ve got this far and not mentioned that it’s got K9 in it. The real K9.) Heck, even the accompanying booklet, with an essay by Russell is fab. I ummed and ahhed over the rating it should get, debated it in my head, applied the “Edge” philosophy, and well, at the end of the day, it’s the first thing – barring a single episode of Red Dwarf – reviewed in modestic to get that top mark… Rating; wombat…

Why Moonraker Should Be Your Friend

By Chris Arnsby

It’s probably fair to say that Moonraker is the least loved of the Bond films which is a shame because it always seems to me that people let a few relatively minor points stop them from enjoying the film as a whole.

The film is silly and descends into self-parody.

Yes the film has a pigeon doing a double take as Bond rides his hover-Gondola through the streets of Venice but that’s one scene in the film. A film which starts with a fantastic freefall fight sequence, a film in which a women is torn apart by dogs, a film in which Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) plays one of the best villains for a long time, a film in which stuntmen risked their lives to film the best cable car sequence since Where Eagles Dare, a film with that great centrifuge sequence. Yes this film has a few jokes but how are they worse than – for example - the Moon buggy sequence in Diamonds are Forever or the inexplicable tennis bit in Octopussy?

Moonraker is just The Spy Who Loved Me in space.

And the Spy Who Loved me is just You Only Live Twice underwater.

They make Jaws into a goodie and then he falls in love!

If you are going to bring a character back then I guess it’s better to try and do something different with them than just repeat the same actions from the first film. Recurring villains who always do the same thing are boring. Look at Krychec in the X-Files or The Master in Doctor Who or Blofeld for that matter. They’re one note characters who always go through the same routine and always lose. Admittedly Jaw’s choice of girlfriend is a little odd.

It’s just Bond ripping off Star Wars.

Well yes, but by this stage the Roger Moore films had already established a pattern of parodying popular film trends. Live and Let Die was a Blacksploitation film, The Man With the Golden Gun tapped the popularity of Bruce Lee films and The Spy Who Loved Me with it’s undersea locations, people being dropped into shark tanks and a villain called Jaws (oh what a giveaway!) was clearly looking to reap some of the success of Orca Killer Whale. After 1977 everyone was ‘doing’ Star Wars and if you were a kid at the time then you were glad of it. As an uncritical eight year old I knew that Bond having a laser battle in outer space was what cinema was invented for and there are times now when I wish I could watch films with that same enthusiasm and lack of cynicism. Also, it’s only the final twenty minutes that are set in space but to hear people complain about “Bond doing Star Wars” you could believe that he teams up with two robots. Finally, Derek Medding’s special effects are fantastic.

It’s the worst James Bond film ever!

What, worse than Thunderball 2 (sorry, Never Say Never Again), or Casino Royale but they’re not proper James Bond films are they; so how about Sean Connery doing it for the money in Diamonds Are Forever? It’s not even the worst Roger Moore film (For Your Eyes Only) at least that would be something to boast about.

Robert Palmer (1949-2003)

By Jason Maloney

There were three major casulaties in the world of music in September 2003, but one obituary nobody expected to be written just yet was that of Robert Palmer. The demise of acerbic singer-songwriter Warren Zevon had been on the cards for some time, so much so that his final album The Wind was expected by the artist himself to be posthumous by the time of its release (it was, but only by 7 days). Likewise, the much-documented failing health of Country legend Johnny Cash was always going to make his passing somewhat inevitable, and when the end came it was received with the sad acceptance borne of preparation.

When news filtered through of Robert Palmer's death from a massive heart attack at age of 54, it was shocking in that surreal way the most unlikeliest of events create (the announcement of Doctor Who's return to BBCTV on the same morning only added to this surrealness). No way. It wasn't his time, surely? He had been doing the promotion rounds in Europe in aid of his latest album Drive, and a recent medical had revealed him to be in good health. In truth, Palmer had been suffering from bouts of high blood-pressure for some time, and on closer inspection of the sleeve photo from Drive he doesn't look so good for a 54 year-old rock star, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

So, how will he be remembered? As a maverick talent who could take on any known musical form and forge something worthwhile from it? Or as that bloke in a suit with the backing band of babes on Addicted To Love? Take a guess (clue: it's not the first option). Now that ain't right, is it? So let's put the record straight.

Robert Palmer was a maverick talent who could take on any known musical form and forge something worthwhile from it.

Listen to either of the intelligently-compiled Addictions best-ofs (from 1989 and 1992 respectively) and you'll hear overwhelming evidence as to why. The main obstacle to widespread acclaim, as with the equally-underrated Billy Joel, was his lack of an identifiable sound. Palmer perhaps had a more distinctive voice, but like Joel he was unafraid to turn his hand to any genre he fancied, regardless of how fashionable that type of music happened to be at the time.

Such is the wealth of diversity in his significant catalogue that it is impossible to pin down what sounds like a typical Robert Palmer track. He invented "World Music" more than a decade before Paul Simon went to South Africa to make Graceland; his cover of Bad Case Of Loving You from 1978 took on Aerosmith at their own game; 1980's I Dream Of Wires saw him teaming up with Gary Numan of all people (they would subsequently record other material together); he recognized the craft and potential in the Jam & Lewis sound before they ever became really successful, covering an early Cherrelle song in 1985; and then in the mid-80s, when Addicted To Love was attracting all the attention and casting him as a stereotypical sexist smoothie, the title cut from the Riptide album was developing his passion for the croonsome ballad. It was to be a direction that yielded the frankly gorgeous She Makes My Day in 1988, a whole side of 1990's double Don't Explain, and ultimately a full album of the stuff on Ridin' High in 1992.

Commercially, he may have peaked somewhere around 1991, when he enjoyed the second of his back-to-back UK Top 10 singles, but chart fortunes are not how an act of Palmer's vintage and complexity ought to be viewed. He had a populist touch, of course; Addicted To Love, Every Kinda People, Johnny & Mary, Looking For Clues and She Makes My Day all etched their mark on the public consciousness to varying degrees. His Top 40 career in this country makes for decent reading, but for some reason (possibly his wilful diversity) Palmer rarely enjoyed major-selling albums. Riptide made the Top 5 in 1986, hanging around for almost 40 weeks, but for the most part it was through compilations (Addictions 1 and 2, The Very Best Of, At His Very Best) that he kept his various record labels happy.

The solo Island years (1974-1985) arguably rank as his most inspired, as Palmer sought out the possibilites in a daringly wide range of styles right from the beginning. Having ventured forth from a brace of acclaimed late 60s/early 70s Blues and R&B outfits with Elkie Brooks - including Vinegar Joe - and turned down the offer of becoming Little Feat's lead vocalist, Robert Palmer's debut set Sneakin' Sally Through The Alley started as he meant to go on. The production would become more polished, the performances slicker, but most of the key characteristics of his music were in place. Palmer took the opportunity on Volume 2 of Addictions of "cleaning up (your) past mess and getting a second chance", laying down fresh vocals and tinkering with the old arrangements until he satisfied his sophisticated aesthetics. For all the typecasting of Palmer as some kind of image-conscious womaniser (the critics never truly understood or recognised the skillful wit and humour in his work), the man was a musical connoisseur.

The less-celebrated gems in his ouevre boast incredible fluidity and dexterity from a musical standpoint, and showcase his unerring ear for a memorable hook or smartly-constructed lyric. Too Good To Be True, Change His Ways (Township Jive crossed with Swiss Yodelling - in the Top 30!), Pride's post-Physical lampooning of the Body Beautiful mentality on Pride ("Olivia Newton John, what you say? All that exercise will waste you away") and Woke Up Laughing's near-impossible syncopation of different rhythm tracks; these are reasons why the lazy, Addicted To Love-centric obituaries and reports that emerged in the aftermath of his untimely death were so predictably frustrating.

They also fail to do justice to a huge talent; one that will be sorely missed in this age of humourless, preening wannabes and the iron grip of a panicking, inflexible industry that views the bottom dollar as the gospel. Robert Palmer was one of the last of his kind, from a time when the music business had both the room and the balls to allow those in for the long haul to develop and flourish. He was a jack-of-all-trades, and master of them all.

Remember To Remember him this way instead.

The modestic DVD Wishlist

Simply, those things that modestic think should be out on DVD…

Everything Dennis Potter ever wrote. I, personally, would love to buy one big massive set called “The Complete Dennis Potter”, which would include every single thing he ever did for the telly. It'd keep me occupied for months! Plays, interviews, documentaries. Everything. With specially recorded features on as many as possible (for God’s sake interview Kennith Trodd before he croaks). You’d have to put the scripts on for the four missing ones, though; scripts of unproduced works, such as his version of Cinderalla would be good also. (Heck, I’d love to see if his Dr Who proposal still exists somewhere in his papers.) Ah, Heaven... I’d settle for individual releases, though. It seems bizarre that not one of his TV plays or series has yet been released in the UK.

Holding On. A nine part drama set in London from the late Nineties. It was a fragmentary thing, with numerous separate stories, some which interconnected with eachother, others which were entirely on their own. Some which spanned the whole nine episodes, others which just lasted for a couple. It was a sprawling epic, and was quite, quite wonderful. Also, it pulled off the “sudden death” trick in its first episode to great effect. Starred David Morrissey, Phil Daniels, Saira Todd and many more.

Episodic Cracker. Cracker is already out on DVD, but it’s the horrible hacked together movie versions. It was made as episodes, and should be presented as thus. There’s also the question of the actual presentation of the episodes as well The first four stories are presented in 4:3, then The Big Crunch & Men Should Weep are 16:9, and then for the last three and the godawful Hong Kong effort, it’s back to 4:3. There’s something wrong there…

Hancock’s Half Hour. The radio version have been released in lovely season by season CD box sets. (I really should buy more of these) I’d love to see the same for the TV version. Admittedly, there are many gaps (for example of the first 2 six episode seasons, just one exists; The Alpine Holiday, which is notable as it’s also the only existing Kenneth Williams TV episode). There is already one DVD out, but it’s just re-issued of a “best of” DVD. And it’s not really a “best of”; it’s the last season with the final episode lopped off. Odd. We should really have everything extant released on DVD, cleaned up and VidFIREd. Some of the episodes are apparently in quite poor condition, and his estate refused permission for them to be released or repeated due to this condition; however, I say, a poor quality copy of a Hancock episode is better than not seeing it at all.

I, Lovett. Or, what Norman Lovett did after he left Red Dwarf. I, Lovett is greatly under-rated. It lasted for just one season, and has never been repeated, which is a shame, as anything with Norman Lovett in is inherently funny, if only because of Norm himself. He’s one of only three people I can think of off the top of my head that can make me laugh purely by facial expressions. (Tony Hancock and Tommy Cooper, before you ask…) Extras could be the essential Norm commentary, and the pilot episode.

Press Gang. ‘nuff said.

Star Wars. The original trilogy will only be out when George has finished with Episode 3, but the word on the street (well, apart from “No Parking”) is that we’ll only get either the remastered 1997 versions, or purported re-remastered versions which will include little extra bits tying 4-6 more seamlessly with 1-3. Whlst I’d be perfectly okay with seeing these on DVD, I would much prefer the original versions, as they are the films we grew up with, that we loved. To be honest, I can’t think of a single change to any of the three remastered versions that actually, genuinely improved them. To me, they were curios. In fact there were things that were worsened; changing it so that Greedo shoots first was just so pathetic, words are insufficient…

The modestic model for a utopian society

Part 1; the general ethos.

First of all before embarking on this series of articles, I should point out that all these ideas are still swirling around in my mind, and that not everything is yet set in stone, so I may very well contradict myself over the months. Some things I am very certain of, others not so. In fact, even the wording of the statement of the general ethos is still not word perfect yet, but as it is the core of the model, needs to be stated. This statement is this;

“All adult citizens should be free to do whatever they desire, providing that their actions do not deliberately cause (or have the potential to cause) harm to others.”

I am still not happy with the wording of this statement, but I do believe it does get over the gist of what I am trying to say. It is in essence and adaptation of Aleister Crowley’s dictum “Do what thou wilt”; but although his statement is short, and concise, it allows for people to do ill towards others, and that is not something that should be encouraged in any utopian society.

There is, I am sure, a more succinct way of phrasing it, but I have been mulling it over in my mind for so long now, that I had to put something down, even if it is not yet perfect.

But the ideals are there; we should be free to do what we want to do. But by the same token we should not do things which cause pain or suffering to others. A perfect society would have nobody doing bad things to other people, would have no cruelty, or evil, or anything negative. But that would never happen (I am nowhere naïve enough to believe we will ever get utopia), human nature means that there are some who will do bad things to others. So, the question is this; what do we do in the modestic society to those who cause suffering to others…?

The answer is Part 2…

Science Fun

with Professor Theydon Bois of the London Institute for Applied Science (formerly the Balham Library “wee ones” advanced reading group).

“ Hullo. Firstly an apology for those of you who checked the New Scientist magazine last week for my article on breeding camels to survive in the demanding atmosphere of outer space. Unfortunately at the last minute they decided it was a little too revolutionary for them and so they had to pass but, happily, they’ve said that they don’t have any problems with me telling you about it so here goes.

Now I know what you are thinking. Camels living in outer space! The very idea! Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s completely possible and it’s all thanks to something called “Natural Selection”. This “Natural Selection” was invented by a very clever man called Charles Darwin who decided that if you left a lot of animals with short legs – pigs for example or caterpillars- on an island where the only food was fruit high up in trees then all the animals would starve to death but –and here’s the clever bit!- the next generation –or “species”- would have longer legs so that they could reach the fruit.

We apply “Natural Selection” to get camels to live in space like this. If you push a camel out of an airlock into space it will die. If you push 100 male camels out of an airlock and wait until 99 of them are dead and pull in the 100th then you have found the male camel that is best adapted to surviving in space. Now do the same with 100 female camels and breed the male and female survivors. Push their children out into space and pull in the male and female that survive the longest and breed them. Keep repeating this process. At first the survival times will be very low but eventually you will create a race of camels that can live in outer space with no ill effects.

Once we have camels that can live in space we can hitch them to space wagons and travel to the stars, the future will be an open oyster!

Next issue – Lint walks among us!

Gratuitous Wombat Picture

A wombat in hiding...?

“I am become death…”

The art of killing off characters in TV shows is a precise one. When done correctly, it creates a great talking point that keeps a show in people’s minds and conversations for days after broadcast. Do it badly…

There are at heart, two types of death in TV shows, the “sudden death” and the “expected death”. Both, when done well can be just as good as the other.

Sudden Death

A good example of a sudden death is that of Helen in Spooks. She was played by a popular actress, Lisa Faulkner, and her character was clearly being set up to have some kind of ongoing plotline through the series. So, at the end of episode 2, when she and Tom were captured, and the villain of the piece started up the deep fat fryer, you just knew she would get saved in the nick of time. Right? So when her hand was plunged into the boiling fat you thought “hang on a mo…”, but then when her head was plunged in, and she got a bullet in the back of the head… well that wasn’t supposed to happen. The heroes don’t die. They live to fight another day. Not here… It was effectively saying to the viewer that nothing is safe here. It was unsettling, as such a thing is so rarely done.

When Band of Gold first started, we were introduced to its main character, a young woman, a divorced mother, who was struggling to make ends meet, so reluctantly went on the game. We were introduced to all the characters through her, as she met them. This was going to be her story, about how she dealt with everything. At least it was. Until out of the blue, at the end of the first episode, she was murdered. They sucked us in. Made us think she was important, made us care about her. Very sneaky.

We also don’t expect Phil in Queer as Folk to die either. But he does. At the end of Episode 2 of the Cracker story To Be a Somebody, we don’t think that Christopher Ecclestone will die. But he does. (Incidentally, I still think this is possibly the best thing Robert Carlyle has ever done.) There are many such great examples.

However, when Tasha Yar died in Star Trek TNG, it merely inspired laughter. “Oh, look, that crappy black blob’s killed her.” Any suspense or drama was lost entirely.

The worst example is that of Bea Smith in Prisoner Cell Block H. After the shittest episode ever, the flashback episode, in which old enemies are suddenly the best of buddies talking about events that happened before they even arrived, Mrs Rynolds bursts into the reception area and announces that there’s been a riot at Barnhurst and that several prisoners are dead; “One of them was Bea Smith.” I still seethe when I think about the offhand way they disposed of her.

One thing that does spoil a good death is when papers tell you that someone is going to die, and precisely how. It is so very annoying. I remember when Rachel in Emmerdale Farm died. I had managed to avoid seeing any spoilers, knowing that she was due to leave. I did well. But then I saw a magazine which on its front cover had the phrase “Graham murders Rachel”. Which kinda gave the game away. When Frank Tate died in the same show, it was a truly shocking moment, as no-one knew he was to die; there had been no spoilers anywhere. All the papers etc had concentrated on the fact that the episode saw the return of his wife, Kim. Which made it all the more effective. Recently, Chris was killed; the papers had pretty much said he would die, and that it would involve poisoned champagne. However, the way the episode was set up, it made you think that he was going to poison his wife, Charity… Oh, no… in a final twist, he rang the police, said his wife was attacking him, and drank the poison himself…

Expected Death

Generally, these are characters who die of an illness. You know it will happen, as their condition worsens, and it becomes a case of when, rather than if. One of the very best examples of this is the death of Molly in A Country Practice. It must be more than 10 years since I saw it, yet I still recall it clearly. Molly had been diagnosed with Leukaemia and was slowly getting worse. It was a very slow build up to her death, it seemed to be months and months. And then, then there was the two parter called “Molly”… I actually recall little of the episodes themselves, just that final scene. Sat in the grounds of their farm, Molly is watching Brendan & Chloe play. She is too tired to join in. She’s smiling and happy as she watches them. Then it switches to a shot of Molly’s point of view of Brendan and Chloe, and it starts to sway, and Brendan looks over, and the POV starts to fall, and Brendan is starting to run towards us, towards, Molly shouting her name, and then it fades to black… And then Bob Hatfield, that great lumbering lummox, reads out a poem all about “Mad Molly Jones.” Wondrous. (And I can’t believe that as I typed that, tears came to my eyes.)

Deaths like this have to be handled well, else they will slide into oversentimentality and mushiness, with endless scenes of relatives grieving at besides as the patient slides ever closer to death.

Frisbees

Just the one, this month, but it’s a good ‘un. You may remember last issue, I heaped praise upon Jet Johnson’s single, Donnie. Well, now the album, Micropolitan, is here, and the praise flows once more.

I’ve spent quite a while now being entirely jaded with the music scene. Little I have heard has greatly interested or excited me. Yeah, there’s been the occasional good song here and there, but the thrill and anticipation of getting a new CD has almost gone (only the anticipation of the first post Kenickie album is stopping me giving up entirely). But I digress…

Micropolitan came along at just the right time to hook me with its melodic beauty. I described the single as twee indie pop, but the album is so much more than just that. There is twee there (for this is a very good thing), but there are also sweeping guitars, wonderfully haunting vocals, and that indefinable “it” that elevates an album from being “rather good” to “pretty damn wonderful”. One song sings about trying to be beautiful; Jet Johnson don’t need to try, they are beautiful. There are insufficient words for me to truly describe how great this album is. If you go here you can listen to a bit of it yourself, and make up your own mind. But you really owe it to yourself to own this album. Came close to getting the "w" rating, but just missed out... Rating: badger.

Randomness and Randomosity

Apparently some old TV programme called “Doctor Who” is coming back in 2005, and it’s being written by some bloke called Russell T Davies. Have I died and gone to Heaven?

The Final Thought #4 competition attracted a huge number of entry. Of all the entry, all one entry got the answer right. Ish. The winner is Stonefish, who answered “Is it from Babylon 5?” To which the answer to the answer is “yes”. He wins a modestic “goody pack”, which will include various bits and bobs of goodness. The answer I was really looking for was “Security Chief Michael Garibaldi in the second season episode of Babylon 5 entitled Knives.” I was unsure whether or not to make this month’s really easy, or really tricky. So, ‘cos I’m mean, I went for really tricky. I will be very impressed if any of you get it… If you do, post your answer in the thread marked "moestic Final Thought #5 thread"...

Coming next month in modestic #6: stuff. I dunno. Wait and see, yeah…?

Copyright and all that malarkey…

modestic is © 2003 Ash Stewart. All articles are © to whoever is credited with them. All uncredited items are © Ash Stewart. The address for all correspondence, be it praise, criticism, death threats, missing episode hoaxes, pictures of wombats, articles, anything is this one or alternatively that one...

modestic issue #5 was edited by Ash Stewart and was written by Ash Stewart, Chris Arnsby, Jason Maloney, Professor Theydon Bois, Robert Madillo and Fatso, the wombat.

Thanks to: Seriously Groovy for the Jet Johnson CD.

This e-zine can be forwarded on to whoever you so wish on the proviso that nothing in it is removed, added to, or altered in any way. In fact I positively encourage you to forward it! If you were forwarded this e-zine by a friend and wish to sign up for it yourself go here.

If you no longer wish to receive this e-zine go here

Contributions are always welcome for modestic. You can write about exactly what you like. Any subject at all. It does not matter if I agree with what you write or not, if it's well written it goes in. Freedom of speech is one of the cornerstones of modestic, as is change and renewal… Do not feel at all restrained or restricted by the things you have seen so far in modestic; just write about what you know, and It'll slot in seamlessly... Even if what you have in mind is clearly opposite to what I think of something, as long as it's wells written and vaguely coherent, it'll get in

And YES, the ratings system does make sense! So there!

You can chat about this issue of modestic on the message board But you won’t.

You can see old back issues of that old fanzine Munching Carpet, if you are at all interested, here... At present you can see Issues #1-3. Issue #4 was supposed to have been up by now. But isn't. It will be some time. Be patient with me...

Issue 6 of modestic will be e-mailed out on November 23rd.

And I'm quite sure it will be better than this one!

(Note; that last paragraph is a subtle hint for more people to send me articles. Ta.)

modestic is a free e-zine, for which I have no intention of ever charging. It would be way too much hassle for a start. However, if you should ever feel suitably impressed that you actually want to pay some money for it (not that I think this is at all likely, but stranger things have happened), then you can pay to my PayPal account which is fatso_the_wombat@hotmail.com.

Final thought: Doodling dressed as art!